Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
