quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
