I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
