So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
