We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
