The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
