I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
