i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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