You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
