It's like a parade of train wrecks.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
