omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
