it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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