There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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