Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
