so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
