I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize