I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
