no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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