I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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