When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
