I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize