apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
