i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You ruined the universe
Randomize
