When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
