What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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