Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
tell me about the fingering
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