dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I did not marry a roomba.
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