so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
