i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
