For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
