It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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