When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
