I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
