I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
