I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
