I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
