Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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