I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
