In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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