booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
