I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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