she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
