i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I am one with the molecules
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
