I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
