There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found your dick twin last night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how drunk are you?
Several
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
