does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
