i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
