guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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