And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
