There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
