Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
