I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
