I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
