it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
