Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
accomplished twins. life is a go
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
