The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
