as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
