I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
