Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
