I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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