Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
