Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
