I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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