I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize