I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
