i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
