Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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