found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Congratulations! We have a period
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
