Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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