My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
