The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
