I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
