Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
