please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
