also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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