Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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