I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
