I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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