I'm gonna have a badass scar
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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