Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.

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(613): View more from Ontario

There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.

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(514): View more from Quebec

He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn

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(407): View more from Florida

It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

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(704): View more from North Carolina

You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.

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(254): View more from Texas

You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".

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(224): View more from Illinois

Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.

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