I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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