There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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