Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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