My sheets look like a crime scene.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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