currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
