Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
