im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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