So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
