youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
