was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
